I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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