just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
