Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
high people should be assigned attendants
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
