he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
