before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
