I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
