Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
