seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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