The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize