I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
