Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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