I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
