i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
