The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
