you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
