hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
