No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
