I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i drank out of a bidet.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
