I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
