I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
