Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
