Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
