YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
