Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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