dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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