She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The uberlube is also flammable
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
