Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
