a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm experimenting with sincerity
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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