sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
