I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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