I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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