i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize