another moral hangover. fuck.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's shark week go big or go home
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
