I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
