wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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