You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
