the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
