is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
