**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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