i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
