Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
