I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
