There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Boobs are out for the taking
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
