This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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