wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
