12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
