Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
