so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
