Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
