I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
