Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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