you traded sex for a burrito?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
