WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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