At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
