she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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