wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize