1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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