I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
