so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
