You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
