Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
