After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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