I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
