no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
