dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
