he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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